Will I forget?

We all have that fear - will we forget their voice, their face, their touch....well the answer is NO we won't.

I went a bit mad after the accident. I needed to save anything that Steve had had contact with. I even rooted through the bin to get out an empty medicine packet he had just finished! I saved an old envelope he had doodled on, old receipts...anything that was his. 

I didn't sleep in my bed or touch anything there for over a year! It was just left as it was...where he should have been that night....whilst I slept on the couch. I couldn't bear for anyone to touch his cup etc as he had been the last person to have contact with it.

I woke in a blind panic some nights (the night's when I actually managed to sleep) thinking I'd forgotten how he looked. Then had to go and look at all his photos - taking one back to bed with me.

Often in the early days I thought that I had forgotten things, but I hadn't. It all comes back to you as clear as it ever was. I think that it is some kind of way our mind/body shuts off to help us get through. To make each painful moment of living with the loss in some way more 'numb'. But now it is all as clear as though I had just seen/heard/felt him a minute ago.

Now when someone annoys me at work I can hear his voice as clear as anything saying 'the guy is a knob'! Which is what he used to say. It makes me smile and chill out - the annoyance fades.

So please believe that you will remember and those memories will move forward with you. 

I thought of you with love today but that is nothing new.

I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.

I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.

All I have are memories and your picture in a frame.

Your memory is my keepsake with which I’ll never part.

God has you in His keeping. I have you in my h eart.  ♥